Uchi Deshi

Recap: strain to both shoulders 6 months ago. Right shoulder never came good. Subsequent strain (heavy lifting, deadlifts, grappling, repetition of the injurious movement) has exacerbated the condition.

Symptoms:

- Constant burning in and around shoulder joint

- Occasional sharp pain deep in the joint

- Numbness in arm and hands

- General weakness mainly along the front and top muscles

- Muscle spasm in the Supraspinatus

Pursuit of an Answer:

I’ve just had xrays and an ultrasound. The only thing that came up was a slight compression between the fourth and fifth vertebrae in my cervical spine which is “not enough” to radiate pain into the shoulder…I’m dubious.

Doctor has ordered an MRI should the 10 days of anti-inflammatory fail. I’m on celecoxib, a substance banned in the US for it cardiovascular side-effects (I feel better already). Day two and it hasn’t put a dent in the pain, but I’m trying it to finally prove anti-inflams will not help me.

State of Mind:

Pretty poor. The arm is basically useless. Training through the pain only results in complete weakness, to the point where I can’t even keep my guard up. I spend a lot of time in a sling; the only effective pain-relief, and my own idea I might add.

The Australia Martial Arts Championship Nationals is in 4 days, I’ve entered and I’m going to fight. The general consensus is that I’m crazy. I’ve been saying that for years :P I’m going to fight and I’m going to kick as much ass as I can and still look good doing it.

Bone to Pick:

You would think that if I presented 9%% of the symptoms for nerve entrapment of the shoulder one of the healthcare professionals I frequent would have picked up on it. No such luck, I’ve come to that conclusion alone through research and reading. I could have a SLAP tear, which an MRI might pick up, but I don’t present many of the symptoms. All my symptoms are consistent with nerve entrapment…this is different to impingement of the bursa…not the same thing.

Then I found a new (developed in the last 5 years) approach to treating soft tissue injuries called Active Release Technique (ART). I leave it to you if you want to know what it is and how it works. I’m very intrigued and the concept is very sound. I’ve found a ART certified doctor 15 minutes from where I live who is certified in nerve entrapment specifically. I will call him tomorrow and see him before the tournament if he has room.

Glass half full…

How I often feel. I’m not the horseman.

——————————-

A horseman was riding away from a village, where he had been in an argument with the owner of the local fruit market. They had charged him more than the advertized price for a kilo of apples, and when he insisted the owner come out to speak with him, he was brushed off. The horseman paid for his apples anyways, because he had promised his steed a reward for their long journey.

As they rode away, the horse began to toss his head. The man ignored it at first, but soon he became annoyed and yanked hard on the reins. The horse returned the favor by pulling his head forward, nearly toppling his rider from his back. Angry, the horseman pulled back as hard as he could and dug his heels into his horse’s ribs. The horse jolted, flung its flank into the air, and threw his rider off. When the horseman raised his head from the dirt, he saw his steed grazing peacefully at his side, like nothing had happened. The apples were strewn across the road, and when the horse found one and ate it, it occurred to the man that he had not given his horse what he had promised.

Of course, the horse was incapable of understanding where his rider’s negative emotions came from, and had simply reacted to them without malice or ill intent. He had detected the deception of his rider even though he himself hadn’t realized his own guilt over blaming his horse for the overpriced apples. Realizing he had blamed the horse for their accident, instead of taking responsibility for his emotions, the horseman got up and dusted himself off. His horse quietly came to him, licking and chewing in contemplation.

“I pulled your reins and kicked you at the same time,” said the horseman. “You didn’t know whether to go forward or stop. Your bucking was asking me to make up my mind!”

Then he leaned forward and told his horse that he wasn’t responsible for how he was feeling, because he understood that in the horse’s language, he had reacted exactly as a horse does; he just hadn’t listened. Though he still felt angry, his horse gave him no trouble when he mounted.

As I’ve mentioned, I’m on a detox. It’s a simple 4-ingredient tincture of 10 drops in my water twice a day to kill any parasites in my body. I knew it wasn’t just hearsay when a skin irritation I’ve had for months and couldn’t get rid of disappeared in a week. Other than that I can’t say I’ve had any outstandingly shocking side-effects; increased joint pain here, more fatigue and moodiness there…all normal

A few days ago it came back, around the same time I started feeling sniffly. A couple days later came the cough, and now I’m Ms. Muccus. It occured to me last night when two hits of ibuprofen did nothing to help that this might be an effect of the detox. Dr. Keith confirmed that to me this morning and he temporarily took me off the detox to let my system flush out what it means to get rid of. Since I’m sceptical, I accepted a friend’s offer for two flu tablets earlier, which also did nothing…I mean nothing.

Me being me, I’ve since discovered that what I’m experiencing is called ‘The Healing Crisis.’

This reaction occurs when the body tries to eliminate toxins at a faster rate than they can be properly disposed of. The more toxic one’s bodily systems are, the more severe the  healing crisis…these reactions are a sign that the treatment is working and that your body is going through the process of cleaning itself of impurities, toxins and imbalances. Such reactions are temporary and can occur immediately or within several days, or even several weeks [that’s me], of a detox. Symptoms usually pass within 1-3 days, but on rare occasions can last several weeks [Oh hell no, I hope not] …Often the crisis will come after you feel your very best [Spot on, I felt on cloud-9 for days after the grading]. With a more serious condition there may be many small crises to go through before the final one is possible.

Symptoms: diarrhea, extreme fatigue and/or restlessness, cramps, headache, aches, joint pain, insomnia, nausea, sinus congestion, fever, chills, frequent urination, low blood pressure, skin eruptions, flu-like symptoms, strong emotions, anxiety, mood swings, new phobias.

Usually I’ll sweat out a cold with training, and feel great. However, this time something just told me no, and I’m really glad I listened. Feels different to an average cold. It’s recommended that you don’t take medication during these periods, which is such a shame since they’re not helping me anyways [insert sarcasm]. I’m taking in lots of antioxidants instead.

That last line in the quote about having a final crisis is interesting because it indicates to me that I am healing. I’m sure once this muccus-fest goes away it’s still not the end of it, but getting there. Before my two year hiatus from Kyokushin, physical progress came fast and when I wanted. Now it just feels like I’m getting nowhere and that my body is always fighting me; durh…it has been. I’m fit relative to the average population, but nowhere near where I want to be, and certainly nowhere near where I need to be for a full-contact fighter. I’ve been feeling a steady increase in well-being over the past few weeks, I’m hoping this bout of healing crisis is a big leap forward.

On a separate note, I like who I am. Just felt like writing that down, cause there have been many moments in recent months when that wasn’t the case. And a big shout-out to my Sensei and friend, Kevin Veivers for knowing just what to say/do and when. Words fail me.

Sensei John Kalaidopoulos

I know a lot of you like to look at kata videos on Youtube, and then you come to me and say, “yeah but Sensei the video said the kata is THIS way.” Well then, get your belts from Youtube.

——

Don’t ask, just do

Shihan Tom Flynn

Be a sponge

Shihan Cameron Quinn

You are here, right now, amongst all this because that is exactly where you are meant to be to learn the lessons most valuable and important to you right now.

——

Know that the world is a duality and an illusion and that every thing has an opposite balancing energy. Know that which I most despise I most attract and that which I most desire I most repel and that calm, centered, undistracted application takes me most assuredly to the goal.

Sensei Kevin Veivers

Don’t worry, we’ll pushup it out of you.

——

Q: how often should I do it?

A: How fast do you want to progress?

Sempai Ben Ajamian

Don’t be scared, be excited!

This year’s Gasshuku is being hailed as the best one yet here in Australia. We had something like 5-6 different dojos gather from around Australia. I heard a few people mention that it’s been a long time since so many black belts have converged on one spot. The amount of knowledge and years of experience available was phenomenal.

We kicked off the week with the Mas Oyama Memorial Cup. Lightweight, Middleweight, and Heavyweight Champions were Kosta, Rob, and Stefan respectively. Kosta just went through…people lol, like a machine. Rob’s fight had so much heart, he really gave it everything and ended up owning the round. And remind me never to piss off Stefan :P That fight was over in the blink of an eye.

For the next six days the Gasshuku participants had their pick of four sessions a day. Even at that, there was so little time. We only touched the tip of the tip of the iceberg. Amongst others we had advanced kata bunkai, grappling, weapon kata, self defense & takedowns and a kettlebell seminar. Our special guests were Ken Matsudo who taught us sumo, Mark Togni who taught us Ashtanga Yoga, and a very amazing day practicing kumite drills with Gary O’Neill. At evening sessions, the instructors each got their chance to teach us something to their liking and everyone had a refreshing perspective.

The people are all amazing, and so kind and approachable. I think we were all sponges, running on overdrive so we could take in all the knowledge. By day two we were all looking bloody tired already! Nothing compares to the feeling of unity when you all converge on a training area and greet each other, looking forward to a good session. Everyone made new friends, caught up with old friends, and we all had a blast.

Then finally, the day of the grading. We had four people going for Shodan, a few going for their black tip, and a few colored belts advancing in the ranks. I went for my green. Everything was by the book and so well organized. Started with warmup and stretching, on to basics, and then Ido Geko, done in ura for myself and everyone of higher rank. We got a break while the potential shodans displayed their self defense knowledge and then we came back for kata. I did Geki Sai Dai and every kata up to Pinan San, then was asked to sit down.

Lastly was the kumite. While those who graded fought on one side, Sempai Ben Ajamian attempted his 50-man kumite on the other end. He put up a gargantuan effort, however in the end injury took its toll. Shihan talked with him, or he would have probably picked himself up and kept on. After round 37 he made the hardest call of his life and threw in the towel. It was so hard watching, and I’m so proud that he’s my instructor.

I had my 15 fights, which I did not see go by. I don’t remember feeling much of anything. It started and was over before I knew it, I think I must have tunneled. A few moments stand out, like when Sensei Kev told me to drop Janet, and told Rob to put me on my ass, both of which happened lol. It didn’t even register in my mind that I was on my last fight when Shihan stepped in front of me (it’s traditional for the instructor to take the last round). That was the only fight where I wasn’t moving forward…actually I think I was pretty frozen, ha!! At the end we bowed, I was told it was over and then all the emotion came out. I wasn’t hurt or exhausted or anything like that…I think I was just shocked (fighting Shihan is a humbling experience), relieved, and just so happy. I’ve been a yellow belt a while, including through a period of two years where I outright did not want to train Kyokushin anymore. To take the next step was a rebirth. I went outside for a few minutes and let it all out. One of the black belt’s wives came out to make sure I was okay, and I assured her I was better than okay.

The brown belts continued to fight their way through everyone. Janet stuck in there and made it to Shodan, I’m so happy for her! Rob and Kosta got the snot kicked out of them, especially by their instructor Pete, who probably eats rusty nails for breakie. “One more!” Said Kosta as he pointed to his Sensei, at the end of his rope and almost collapsing, even though he’d already finished. “I got one more!” And Sensei Pete smiled an “I’m going to mess you up so bad” smile, then proceeded to do just that. All the brown belts did well and copped such a beating. Something to look forward to!

After the tameshiwari we formally bowed out with a few well spoken words from Shihan. A lot of us went to Sensei Pete’s house, showered, had a beer, then rocked up to the Sayonara party at the Twin Towns all-you-can-eat buffet. We probably cleaned the place out lol. At the end of the night most of us said our goodbyes, while some of us made our way to the bar and live band and had a few drinks. There was some dancing in there (improvised kata if I remember :P), some drink sharing, lots of blah blah and probably a drunken kumite round outside with Kosta or something…I could be wrong ;D!!! Happy times.

I’m still feeling great. And I have to say, after this week, Australia’s looking mighty inviting. I love Kyokushin!!!

Sankyu!!!

It’s a long one; I don’t expect it to be read, it’s mostly for me to flush my brain out and organize my thoughts.

Here’s where we’re at with possible diagnosis for my shoulder:

1] SLAP (superior labrum, anterior to posterior) tear - all that means is the hard tissue around my shoulder socket (labrum) is damaged. Unlikely because both shoulders are injured, but possible because I hurt them on the same day doing the same thing.

2] Irritation and inflammation of the bursa and surrounding tendons

3] Micro tears

4] What I know for sure is that the toxins being expelled via detox are inflaming certain joints and muscles. Namely the upper back and neck, possibly hindering shoulder recovery. Luckily that won’t last.

~~~~~

There are lots of bright sides to this injury:

a] I’m learning how my body works, why it does what it does, and I’m finally getting an explanation for why it’s so wonky sometimes.

     < My entire body is loose. My joints can flex past the standard level without stretching practice. It’s neither common nor rare, it’s genetic, and it’s life-long.

     < This flexibility has my body taking short cuts because it can. For example, someone less flexible has no choice but to pivot their foot if they want to kick to the head, and because I don’t have to I lack KO power and I damage my knees. THIS is why I have such difficulty engaging my entire body in my strikes, even though I have the technique to do it. THIS is how I got injured. And now I know how to fix my little problem…I have to be aware of it in every single move I do.

     < My joints being loose, they move around much more in their sockets, causing irritation to the surrounding muscles and tendons. So that’s what that was…

b] It’s one big lesson being learnt the hard way (I’m stubborn, what can I say):

     < If your body says no, it doesn’t matter what color belt they’re wearing or training certificate they have…that’s irrelevant if you’re carrying a real injury. Kyokushin is very special, and if you last and become pulled into the culture, it’s so easy to brush off your pain and continue training. To drive through pain is one of the many things I find appealing. Unfortunately, that attitude, both in myself and my training partner at the time, is what got me hurt.

     < Know the difference between pain of real injury and just pain, and ACT on it. I’m angry with myself because I knew I was hurting myself and I didn’t have the guts to ask that black belt to stop being so insistent that I hit the bag harder when I could literally feel my shoulders shit themselves.

     < In conjunction with the above point, there is a rank system in Martial Arts. Despite hindsight and this experience, I’m still an awkward panda when it comes to asking a higher rank if I can take it easy, omit/replace exercises etc. I’m learning it’s all in the delivery. I’m also learning that I often refrain because I’m afraid of the response.

     < Hence, if someone calls you a wuss, or whatever, because you say you’re injured and want to modify your training…first of all, too bad for them. Second, who cares; if being wussy means I get to keep training for years to come then that’s sweet for me. Nothing wussy about still training when you’re 60+ People will often just throw out those sorts of words to weed out the bitching from real injuries. So of course, only express concern when you have a real injury, ‘cause most pain during training isn’t something that will impair you.

That’s all for now.

This entry is quite personal, and has the potential to influence the reader into making assumptions. I hardly talk about my Uchi Deshi because a] it’s difficult to describe to anyone that hasn’t gone through it and b] there are some things better left unsaid. I’ve written this mainly for my mum and to keep a log. For anyone else, be objective.

***

Dr. Keith is a life coach, in addition to his Chiro and Kinesio. He has that soul-tingling ability to read people’s energies and then take what he finds to heal people mentally, physically, emotionally, socially etc. If you think that sort of intuition/ability is bullshit, that’s great, but you’re missing out on something incredible. Some of my best moments with people have been when they read into my energy and the spiritual communication channel is 100% free to flow, the latest being this morning.

I went to Dr. Keith as a precaution, because he wanted to make sure I was still balanced in my body and not suffering too much from the parasite detox. Once again he emphasized how quickly I’m improving, which is due to my good lifestyle habits. Every session, he presses into my right hip, and I finally asked him why; turns out he had picked up during the first session that my hips are really crook mostly on the right, and it’s my biggest structural weakness…so he likes to check it every time.

That lead into discussion about his field in Life Coaching. And out of nowhere he started saying things about me, like he had a better understand of me than I do. If what he said could be written in decimal format, there would be like a 0.0000000000001% margin of error.

To understand why Dr. Keith’s words had such impact, it’s necessary to mention a couple things about my Uchi Deshi experience. There was this conflict triangle between myself, the other uchi deshi and a Shodan living with us. Based on discussions we had as a group, I was left feeling that I was the major instigator. And quite a few things what I got told hit me hard…I knew they weren’t true but I was hearing it so often that I started believing. As the book ‘The Four Agreements’ explains, I made bad ‘agreements’ with them on a lot of things; in particular that if “so many” people feel the same way towards me, then it’s gotta be true! Specifically, the general consensus in the household was that I’m a very negative person and that I create a very high percent of negativity in the house. I know now that’s bullshit. But I agreed to it at the time and I became obsessed with trying to change something that wasn’t wrong with me to begin with.

I wouldn’t undo the experience of this Uchi Deshi, it’s been overall a positive experience. However, I left feeling incomplete, a bit lost, and carrying additional emotional baggage. I criticized myself so harshly, and have dumbed myself down to the point where I can’t advance in training. What Dr. Keith did for me, quite possibly sensing my distress, was alleviate all those doubts.

I’ve done my best to recall exactly what he said. There is no vanity. I’m not infatuating it or over thinking it, I’m simply stewing in the relief and in my happiness. Here we go:

Dr. Keith: I’m also a relationship and life coach *smiles* Do you have relationships?

Me: Of course I have relationships :P

Dr. Keith: Like a boyfriend or anything?

Me: Not lately, with Uchi Deshi it wasn’t possible.

Dr. Keith: Well I think you’re a very nice girl. You’re what I call a ‘hidden gem.’ Your problem is you intimidate people. And instead of having that strong man you want standing by your side, you’ll always attract the wrong type of guy who will seek you out because they want you to heal them and support them.

Dr. Keith: You’re like a Warrior Princess, but you haven’t realized the war is over. You’re overly powerful, and you don’t know how to control your energy. A lot of men are like that, and they get away with it, but as a woman, especially being tall, people are intimidated.

Dr. Keith: You’re in an activity [karate] that requires you to be that powerful warrior, and then you interact with a different group of people and your energy is just…whoa. You’d almost be better off going to knitting class lol.

Dr. Keith: Wear dresses, put on lip gloss. I want you to explore that softness in you. You’ll probably find yourself uncomfortable in that femininity.

Dr. Keith: Under all this, you have a good heart. You’re a really nice girl.

Dr. Keith: *I don’t think you’re a negative person.* You just have some bad habits.

Dr. Keith: You could stand to lose at least 10kg, which I already have in mind as I’m treating you.

On Wednesday I couldn’t stand the tightness through my shoulders and upper back, so I called on the day for a massage at a place right by my acupuncturist. Kat Woods recommended it to me and my masseuse knows her very well - it’s amazing how I’ve gotten such good referrals in Australia. I booked an hour and needed every second of it. I told her to go as hard as she thought was necessary to release the tension. It was so painfully good, the best I’ve ever gotten. Your dirty minds will go to sex when I say this, but I like it hard…don’t bother with that soft shit, it won’t get any tension out. My Chiro did great on my spine, and my masseuse released so much tension that the pinched nerve is almost gone. She worked in my shoulder blades and positioned my hand so that it made the area available to her…there’s one spot in there that makes my bicep tendon freak out - that’s the one at the front of my shoulder that’s injured.

Then today, I went back to Dr. Keith and he did some more balancing in my body. And because I’ve taken so well to it so quickly, he put me on the parasite detox right away. I thought it would be some elaborate change in my diet, restricted to only certain foods…nah, nothing like that. It’s just an herbal liquid that he makes himself, 10 drops in a glass of water twice a day. He warned me that, because the parasites will be dying, releasing, and excreting their sludgy toxins, I may feel ill. The concoction tastes like death, but aside from a tad of nausea, nothing too dismal so far. Actually, he said that my otherwise strong health attests for how well my body has managed with such toxicity for so long. Scary but encouraging…

Right after I had an appointment with Tim Brown, a physiotherapist and shoulder specialist who looked after the Australian Swim Team for many years. We spent a lot of time going over how I injured my shoulders, shoulder anatomy and which tendons are affected, and the process of recovery he’ll take me through. First we’re going to start by eliminating the pain. Unfortunately, that means doing close to zero training with my arms for a couple weeks. Sempai Ben and Sensei Kev are aware and will graciously allow me to replace all arm activities with legs and abs. Once the pain is gone, I resume normal training. If the pain comes back, then I need to get an MRI. Tim says I may have tears in my rotator cuffs or other tendons…I desperately hope that’s not the case. He said to take anti-inflamatory drugs while I’m on downtime, and I wouldn’t normally pop pills, but it’s oh-so preferable to surgery. He ended the session with some massage on the back of my shoulder, and it made the whole thing burn. Next week he’ll focus all his time on manipulation and massage.

I had a very good, relieving talk with Sempai Ben, about my health and training and other things I needed addressed. Then we had a really beautiful, technical class with Sensei Kev, and bless his soul, he purposefully worked only kicks. So now I’m in a very good mental space, and more confident for sure. I’m finally getting to the root of my health problems, and really establishing within myself where my place is in the dojo(s).

PS: I know maybe 5 people read my blog, but that’s more than I could hope for, and I feel very loved that there are that many people out there who genuinely care :)

Today I had my consultation with Dr Keith Maitland, a holistic Chiropractor and kinesiologist. Came prepared with a list and diagram of all my symptoms/pains and my latest blood work. We prioritized what I want treated so I listed what I think are the conditions causing everything else: pinched nerve (not otherwise urgent, but it’s painful and affecting my training), spinal misalignment, hypothyroid, air hunger.

First thing he did was get me to suck on a piece of pH paper, coupled with a look at my latest blood results and it turns out I’m slightly acidic – no surprise there. Then he did some tests, standing up and lying down and he felt my neck and his face went ‘aha.’ His exact words were: your neck is out of place in quite a few spots, actually, which I will correct in just a moment.

Me: O__O *nods* okay…

When he realigned my neck, I got a full feeling in my chest, like a bit of adrenaline which I kept feeling for minutes after I left…I’d say it was partially my nerves having freedom and me freaking out. When he did the right side of my neck there were about 5 loud, consecutive cracks. Then I laughed and all I thought was ‘holy crap.’ The pinched nerve is definitely feeling better, I have my next appointment on Thursday to see how fast I’m recovering. And my neck feels different to touch, less concave, more normal :P I could definitely use a massage though, my entire upper back has become so sore and tense from fighting the pinch.

Dr. Keith is very up-front and very confident, without being offensive or arrogant. He exudes that he knows exactly what he’s doing and that there is a way for him to correct your problem – and I get the impression he reads mind too, but that’s another topic. Here are the most interesting, relief-inducing things he told me during my visit:

a] What I’m getting is that you have parasites in your thyroid, and that’s affecting its function [to clarify, he means microscopic organisms. The bad news is, we all have parasites of some kind, and the good news is we can detox them away]

b] You’re slightly acidic, and I suspect your body is toxic and that you’ve been like this a long time, and it’s not what you’re putting into your mouth, it’s due to the parasites. Lucky for you I’m an expert in dealing with parasites.

c] You’re trying to get healthier through exercise, but your body is keeping you back and you’re can’t excel physically. You probably find that you’re making no progress. You may get ‘up here’ if you work like crazy, but you’ll eventually crash because your body can’t keep up. [Okay, Dr. Keith, did your Kinesiology course include mind reading?]

d] Your healthy lifestyle is an advantage and gives me a good base to work with.

e] I’m an expert on losing weight [this is relevant]

f] I’ll fix you

Believe it or not, my relief was so great when he mentioned the parasites because I’ve suspected for a long time. I came across the topic in my extensive thyroid research, but I never gave it much attention…so I did when I got home. It explains at least half of my health problems, and why I’m just not excelling physically like I used to.

Oh and, believe it or not, sparring tonight I felt a lot more stable and stronger from the spine. Follow up is on Thursday - He’s going to put me on a parasite detox at some point, as well as some other treatments tailored for me specifically.